Grip

Grip

Even though I knew it was a bit of naive cliche, I did expect to be completely head over heels in love with my daughter from the moment I saw her. In reality, I was just relieved; so very relieved and so very tired. I hadn’t slept in almost 60 hours by the time she was born, and although the labour had gone well,I was deliriously tired. The first few weeks were such a blur; an intense, beautiful, challenging blur. We brought a little bundle home, and were immediately hit…

Us

Us

I had expected that after the birth of my daughter, I would miss ‘me’. My independence, my body, my time, my sleep. In fact, I missed what I missed more was us; my husband and I. Our time together, our independence as a couple.  It felt like we were floating adrift from each other; two kayaks tied together, floating along and occasionally knocking into each other.  Becoming ‘us’ had seemed quite easy. I guess the beginning always is easy. There were pub dates and meals we cooked at our respective…

Mother

Mother

When my daughter was five days old, my mother arrived to help us. I naively had thought we wouldn’t need help in the first days home. I was wrong. I called my mother in tears the second night we were home with our daughter.  On the day my mother turned up at my house, I cried on her shoulder and said “I love you so much and one day you won’t be here.” I had been a mother myself for less than a week and I could not bear the…

The Last Summer

The Last Summer

I have many happy childhood memories spent at the local swimming pool. It was a large but simple complex, where I spent school swimming days and had swimming lessons in summer’s evenings. Occasionally we’d have a barbecue dinner with another family at the pools; my parents passing out plastic plates and opening bags of crisps. I thought of those summer evenings of my childhood over this last summer; my last summer before becoming a parent.  My third trimester of my pregnancy spanned the summer. The days grew hotter and then…

Heartbeat

Heartbeat

Heartbeat The morning we first saw you, the little flicker of you, started as rainy and wet. It was the first day of Spring, although it still felt very wintry.  Your daddy had fixed the brakes on my bike, and I followed him up the hill from our house, on our bikes, in the dark of the weekday morning.  Your daddy has always looked natural on a bike. I’ve seen a photo of him at only 4 years old riding a bike, with the same confidence and poise that he…

Blessing

Blessing

Blessing A couple of weeks ago I was standing in the chemist, with my 3 month old babe in her almost comically large buggy. Why did we feel we needed the widest buggy we could buy? I was there to buy cream for her,  because her bottom was sore.  I couldn’t bear to see her skin in pain, I couldn’t bear to know there was something in my power to make things better for her than I had not done.  My Mum, bless her, had already spent about $50 on…