Heartbeat

Heartbeat

Heartbeat The morning we first saw you, the little flicker of you, started as rainy and wet. It was the first day of Spring, although it still felt very wintry.  Your daddy had fixed the brakes on my bike, and I followed him up the hill from our house, on our bikes, in the dark of the weekday morning.  Your daddy has always looked natural on a bike. I’ve seen a photo of him at only 4 years old riding a bike, with the same confidence and poise that he…

Blessing

Blessing

Blessing A couple of weeks ago I was standing in the chemist, with my 3 month old babe in her almost comically large buggy. Why did we feel we needed the widest buggy we could buy? I was there to buy cream for her,  because her bottom was sore.  I couldn’t bear to see her skin in pain, I couldn’t bear to know there was something in my power to make things better for her than I had not done.  My Mum, bless her, had already spent about $50 on…

A Brief and Unusual Obligation

A Brief and Unusual Obligation

It was a brief interaction. He was in need of help but unwilling to accept it and clearly prone to impulse. Me, just a woman out for a morning jog, not expecting to have the fate of another life placed into my hands before I’d even had my morning shower. I had noticed him as I approached the part of the footpath that ran between a wooded reserve and a busy road. It was an unusual place for him to be; crouched down close to the footpath. It was before dawn and still…

All This Love If You Need It

All This Love If You Need It

One out of four seemed a reasonable turn out, given our geographical spread these days. For Dad’s birthday last weekend, I was the sole kidult physically present to wish him a happy birthday. But on the morning of his birthday, there was a kind of digital party created, with first a video call to my brother, then as Mum and Dad continue talking to him, I answered the landline to one sister, and we chatted in the lounge as I could hear my parents talking to my brother in the…

In Good Company

In Good Company

I jokingly asked a friend recently if they were the weird kid at school, and he said ‘Well yes, but isn’t everybody. Nobody feels like they fit in at school.’ Perhaps this is true. As a child, I didn’t really know or care if I was the weird kid, but I certainly had a few imaginary friends.  In fact, I would sometimes walk around my garden, circumnavigating my house, just telling myself stories. I had entire kingdoms, dynasties, coups, love affairs. I asked my parents recently if they worried about…

The Broken Wheel

The Broken Wheel

The little girl burst into tears, as I turned and walked back to my car. Her mother, my neighbour, huffed and ushered the children inside. I hadn’t sworn, nor barely raised my voice, but the anger and fear in my voice was pretty clear. My anger was at the mother, who had repeatedly allowed her preschool age children to ride their bikes and tiny tricycles on my driveway. As I explained to her – the emotion in my voice seething through – my anger was out of fear: fear that…

A Room Of One’s Own

A Room Of One’s Own

He slipped silently into my tiny house without me noticing, as I dashed about preparing for work. We were each as surprised as the other to meet in my small lounge, yet he continued to do a tour of my abode. As happy as I was to be in the presence of such a handsome fellow, I politely suggested to my neighbour’s Burmese cat that, now that he’d thoroughly investigated the source of the burning porridge smell, it was time he left. I’m teetering on the edge of being a…

You Have Arrived

You Have Arrived

I missed her desperately. I missed the way we’d go places together, I missed her listening to me in the morning on the way to work, I missed the way she wouldn’t interrupt when I ranted about my day in the evening. I missed the way she didn’t judge me when I swore, a lot, and sometimes cried, when we’d try and find somewhere new and get lost. But mostly, I missed just knowing she was there. I’d be in the lounge, her pottering away in the garage, but I…

Office High: Class of 2013

Office High: Class of 2013

It was the puppy that pushed me over the edge. I could handle the baby talk, phone calls to her husband and the step-by-step breakdown of how to bake a potato. I personally would have been too ashamed to say it out aloud, for fear that my co-workers would think me foolish for marrying someone who didn’t have the intelligence to work out how to make a baked potato on their own.  I would have hissed ‘Turn on the oven’ under a covered hand while looking around for judging glances….

DIY: For Recreational Use Only

DIY: For Recreational Use Only

Earlier this year I had a small life pause.  I had finished one life in Sydney and wasn’t sure quite where or when the next life would start, so I was at home with my parents for a ‘Winter of dis(content)’. On one hand it was great – lots of time to do things, little things to do etc etc. But as anyone who has ever had a period of ‘between jobs’ knows, the endless days of shopping, coffee and good times dry up quickly when you have no money…